I had the wildest group Ceremony over the weekend and I would love to share a story of what we worked through in the group.
I will start by saying that I have recently gained a Ceremony partner, someone who compliments my energy in this space that I work in when I am in the shamanic state. I started working with a man who is very much in his healthy masculine. More so than any man I've ever met. His power and abilities lie in being that strong masculine for a feminine (often a woman) who needs it to heal and be balanced within. He is a master Underworld guide and holding open the gates between the upper and lower worlds. As a result, he is able to take us to new depths within ourselves through his safe and strong container. I have worked with him for my own healing on several occasions and I am continually blown away by his abilities, but this weekend, I learned that when we work alongside one another as partners, he allows me to dive into depths of the group and the collective that I could never reach by myself.
Generally, when I enter into the Ceremony space in my full feminine glory, I live in love and high vibration things. It tends to be pretty easy and gentle for all parties involved. And that's wonderful, except why not take that a little deeper? It's worth noting that everyone had a pretty blissful and gentle time other than the Facilitators lol.
During this Ceremony, I did bring some of that bliss and high vibration in, but this man was able to help me bring in something else. In the space we created, I dove into the depths of something big and I was met with something I don't usually encounter.
This energy I was faced with was big, dense, gnarled, confused and far from the light. It felt like the weight of 100 big rigs and had the fury of a bucking bull.
When I sat in the deepest place of this experience, there was a fight. I had this massive energy trying to move through me, fighting and screaming. There was so much fear and chaos in my body. I felt as if I was going to pass out from exhaustion as I tried to move it through the portal that we created. And the moment when I felt I simply could not take anymore, my partner pulled me out. Without me having to say a word, he put his hand on my back and he pulled me out. I was in his domain, I was swimming in the depths and as it turns out, he was the only one who could bring me in and out! What a beautiful experience of trust and surrender for us both. After pulling me out, he wrangled this beast with his medicine music. I watched the beast be tamed, much like a wild animal needing to be round up and calmed. He told it that was safe and that he was there to help it.
Once this energy was calmed and lulled just a bit, I dove back into the depth to process it. I went back to process this energy for myself, to process it for each of us in the circle and for the collective.
When I climbed back down, I started to feel the fight again. It started bucking like a bull who was enraged and scared. So this time, I took a different approach. I allowed my body to move from reverse prayer to full child's pose and down dog and something that resembled chaturanga. I moved back and forth, making space for it to fully come into my body. Welcoming it with love and acceptance and dropping into prayer to honor it's presence. Once I dropped completely to the floor, with my forehead on the ground and my hands in prayer, this beast showed itself to me and allowed my love in.
This beast was a collection of energy from women who had to build a protective layer in their body and energy against the men that harmed them. It was the armor of the feminine and the armor of the six people in the group who had been molested or assaulted by a man at a very young age. It was the armor that I have worn myself. I was shown that we no longer need that armor. We no longer need that protection because the masculine is no longer here to harm us. There is no more fighting and it is time for us to step out from behind our shields.
I bawled. I cried for the room. I cried for the collective and I allowed that armor to drop for us all. Once I allowed it to move through my body, there was an energy/emotion sitting behind this armor. It was rage. The rage of the collective of all of the women who have had to build this armor, an armor that was far too heavy for us to carry, armor that was not natural for our body and that kept out love as well as potential violation. We are not defensive creatures by nature, we are love, and this armor upset that balance.
After the shedding occurred, my partner began to sing. He sang a song but he wrote many years ago about cocooning and stepping out as a butterfly. Stepping out to all that you can be and no longer needing the cocoon. Although he did not know what I was going through specifically, the song was everything. It caused several of the women to start to weep because we all knew it was time to step out from behind our protective coats.
The joy and gratitude and love for having a healthy man present during this experience, to physically and energetically hold us while we came out from behind our armor, was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever witnessed. He was there to say “I got you“ and "I love you" on behalf of every man. And I weep as I write this because it’s all just so beautiful.
And so I have a message for the collective feminine. It’s time to put down the armor and the protective layers and step into your power. It's time to let love in and stop living in fear. The time of assault by the masculine is over and it was necessary for us to be where we are today.
We must hold those experiences in gratitude and love so that we can move forward as ourselves and as a collective.