The Death of Nadia and Sacred Heart Medicine
Updated: Jul 18, 2022
Today I want to speak about death. It is not something that occurs once in your lifetime, but over and over again throughout your days. Death is something we hate to allow and look at in our society, but it really is a part of life and it is here to stay. The easier time we have understanding, embracing and allowing death, the more joy, freedom and growth there is in store for us. So much of our pain and suffering comes from our resistance to death.
For me, the symbol of death is largely connected to serpent. Recently I found myself giggling as I made the connection to the serpent in the Adam and Eve story - how we have been low-key taught to fear transformation and personal power. Serpent Medicine often invokes intense fear, but only because it provides the catalyst for deep and meaningful change. In Medicine work, a serpent journey can be one of endless fear and terror if we fight it. The serpent asks us to allow ourselves to be devoured, to let go of old constructs and beliefs. This letting go is a very scary thing. We are asked to let go of old versions of ourselves that are rooted in fear and those versions need to move on so that our true selves can step in - the version of us that is in it's full power. Every death we endure puts us closer to our true self and closer to alignment with what we are here to do.
A few months ago I had this mind-blowing session with my favorite Seer. She is someone I meet with every few months to talk about what's coming up and it is where I go to get a little comfort in knowing that I am not alone. During this session, I could sense that I was about to go through a major life shift and I needed some support and validation for what I was experiencing. I didn't tell her this specifically - I only shared that I was looking for guidance in the general sense. However, validation and support was indeed what I got. This magical woman told me immediately that I was in the process of being swallowed by the serpent and that right behind her was death, waiting to catch everything that was falling away. My only job for the foreseeable future is to rest, surrender, nourish myself and allow all that I no longer need to fall away. I am being asked to allow myself to die so that I could be reborn. She shared many other wonderful things that have already come to fruition, but today we are going to stick to the conversation around death.
I immediately began following her instructions - I put most of my work and my clients on hold, I have been spending days in bed wrapped in my favorite blankets or in the woods sitting beneath the trees, pouring with pain, grief, and rage. I have been doing my best to be kind and gentle with myself, sticking to nourishing activities. Each day that I allow for this process and stillness to take place, more gold nuggets come falling through the cracks.
What does this look like from a practical standpoint? I am going to walk us through the recent months to demonstrate how death looks in real time. It can be a deeply painful and disorienting experience. I hope that in sharing this, it may be helpful to others. Some days have literally been so bad that I feel the need for psychiatric intervention - just to give you an idea about the intensity. The key is to maintain hope and just keep going.
As this process started, I began to feel the urge to cut my hair. It sounds so cliché, but really, women are wonderfully magical creatures who are so in tune with what is happening in and around them. Cutting the hair both symbolizes the letting go of the past, but can also initiate/facilitate the death process. By cutting off our hair, we are telling spirit that we are ready for transformation, we are ready to let go of the past.
Side note: Instead of honoring these beautiful intuitive abilities we have as women, we tend to poke fun at them. They become a joke or cliché. We've gotta stop doing that.
I can't speak for other women, of course, but cutting my hair has been a crazy intense process for me. I was fully prepared to shave my head entirely, but decided to instead pursue a lifelong dream - getting a mohawk. Initially this process felt empowering and brought up some intense warrior energy. I am finding a deep connection to a past life self who was literally a female warrior and have been channeling her in during this time of inner struggle. She holds a fierceness that I previously did not have and I am grateful to tap into it. She has also helped me channel some intense feminine rage - the timing of which is not lost on me in the time of around Roe v. Wade and countless Netflix documentaries highlighting the abuse of women in various cults. It has pulled rage out from deep within myself about moments that I have allowed men in my life to impose their beliefs on me around sex, being a dutiful wife, etc. or flat out abuse me. This rage was a lot to hold, but it was needing to be processed so I could move forward.
Since that initial cutting, my process has been quite different. Now when I get my hair touched up or altered, I come home to look in the mirror and just lose my shit. I have shouting in my head;
"You are ugly and foolish for cutting your hair."
"What are you, a Teenager? It is not appropriate to rebel like this. You're a grown ass woman."
"You are so fat. Now that your hair is