Traveling to South Africa and Remembering who I AM

Traveling has proven to me again and again that it is one of my greatest Medicines and my recent trip to South Africa was no different. I had previously shared my experience with an unexpected Soul Retrieval while traveling to a ranch in Central Washington, and my spontaneous Ceremony on a plane ride to Mexico, but now I want to go a bit deeper into the topic of Traveling as Medicine.

Traveling is, for whatever reason I cannot fully explain yet, very deep Medicine for me. Every trip I take provides me with a new layer of healing for myself and, in turn, a new dimension of healing that I bring back to the people who work with me. This layer of healing may involve a specific plant that I am asked to come to meet in person and harvest, an activation provided to me by the land, or an experience with Ancestors that reside in said place. Sometimes it is simply a shift in perspective of how I view the world. When you visit a physical location on earth, there are portals/doorways (attunements to new energy) that can open up that energy within you, or put in a different way, new dimensions that you now have access to.

This only happens if you are ready to receive it, it is not automatic.

I will write more about portals, dimensions and attunements in a different post, that’s a whole topic in itself.

First, I will define Medicine in my own words and how it applies to me. I feel that Medicine is the true cure to an ailment, the thing that rebalances that which is out of balance, something that can provide truth, clarity or literal healing. Medicine can take on various forms and present in various stages of intensity, but almost anything can be Medicine. This is why we are all Medicine People at our core – we all have a Medicine to offer the world, it’s just about figuring out what your Medicine is and sharing it.

Helping a person find their Medicine and bring it to the world is my goal with everyone I work with and it is the goal of Sacred Heart.

Very recently I have returned from a trip to South Africa, a place that I had planned to visit since I was a kid but anticipated waiting to see until “the time was right”. In other words, never lol. I used to literally dream about Africa as a teen and skipped high school often to drive the three hours to the Bronx Zoo just to sit with the gorillas and be with them. We are all called to do certain things or visit certain places when we are kids, and for me, Africa was my original soul calling. As I have gone deeper into my Shamanic work, I have found that I actually have several ancestors who come from Africa, including a witch doctor who has guided me on how to perform physical healings in Ceremony. I have also found that soul callings are everything – we have to pick up that phone and answer them, even if we don’t yet know how to do that.

There are a few moments in my life that have truly defined me as a human being – where I was one person walking in and a completely different person walking out. Such was the case when I first became a mother or when I sat in my first Medicine Ceremony. This trip to South Africa has now made it on that very short list.

When I booked this trip, I let my intuition completely guide the process. It surprised me with guidance to an area just outside Zimbabwe and Mozambique, situated in NE South Africa. I booked a room at a rustic lodge situated on a reserve in the Greater Kruger area and committed two weeks to experience whatever was calling me here.

From the moment I set foot on the hopper plane that brought me North from Johannesburg, I had inconsolable panic come forward. This is a frequent thing for me on airplanes – and I have come to understand it is because I am about to travel through a new portal, one that leaves me clinging to the doorway that leads me there because I am scared of what is ahead. I am scared to let go of the past and move forward. I felt like I was truly going to die and it resulted in tears, hyperventilation, and frustration. God bless the young man sitting next to me who provided kindness to this flustered stranger.

For my first three days in the lodge, all I was experiencing was fear and panic. I hid in my room trying to hide the turmoil I was feeling inside, disappointed with myself for coming all this way just to be afraid. I could not sleep and I could not get my mind to calm down – I felt like I was disconnected from the world and, as a result, I would certainly die. My phone died and I didn’t have a power converter to charge it. The wind, the monkeys on the roof at night, the lions out in the bush, they were all here to torment me. I couldn’t sleep and I couldn’t stop ruminating about all the bad things that were surely going to happen while I was there. I also had prepared meals reserved for me during this time and I found myself angry over them. Here I could not properly exercise and I was being fed more calories than I ever had in my life. I found myself sitting in my room, unable to bring myself to come out for more than meals, and sometimes a crying session with the trees. When I did spend time with my host out in the bush, every moment was spent being afraid that an animal would attack us.

It was the worst lol.